Cold Fear

I round the corner and there he is. Surprise pounds heart into panic. There's nowhere to hide; he sees me. I head for the closest door, acknowledging him barely as I slip into gender-segregated safety.

How long must I wait? Two minutes...five minutes...

I emerge, scanning the crowd. Oh no, he's still here.

If I leave, he might follow me. If I stay, he might approach me. I scan the crowd again -- where are the ones who know? Where are the ones who have my back? Where can I plug into a conversation so that I will be inaccessible? Where is everybody?

Finally, a friend appears. I interrupt her conversation - she talks to me.

He leaves.

She and I talk for five, ten minutes. I'm so tired...I pray he is gone. We say goodbye, and I walk to my car, alone. It is cold and dark. Normally I am fearless, but tonight I am shaking.

I fear him. I don't want to, but I do. I wish I could get used to him, but I can't. I should have compassion, but instead, all my alarms go off, all my red flags wave, and I can't deny this fear.